Just Live

Nothing dressing fine

and quite a bit of wine

cant fix

when your emotions are in a mix

when you're looking for something sure

for that perfect cure

open that closet door

get all dressed up even more

think about the good stuff

hell yeah it's tough

but you gotta do what you gotta do

to make it thru

make it thru the day

make it thru the night

to keep warm

from reality's harsh bite

nothing lives forever

so don't live life any lesser

live it to the fullest

don't leave any chances missed

to live, to love, to learn

sure you might get a little burn

but what's there to say when life is over

and you have nothing to show to for it

but an empty hand, dry heart and nothing to share

why then would anyone want to care

what then would you have to tell

no heartache to make you want to yell

no love that put you under that spell

no lesson that put you thru hell

those are the things that make a person

those friends, that love, those lessons

you can make many friends

but how many do you call family

you can say you're in love

but do you really feel that spellbound feeling

you can say you've learned

but do you keep making mistakes without striving for a difference

when you stop reaching out

is when you need to shout

tell someone even thin air

that you need to live

give it a whirl

put those dressy clothes on girl

boy you better come dressed out to the nine

pop a bottle of your best wine

live a little to be sure

that living life isn't one of the best cures

12.9.09

Losing Me

Losing Me

Help

I scream...

but no one hears

Why

I yell...

but no one answers

Can anyone hear me

I ask...

but there is only silence

I had a love once

they said I was the only one

but then at night I was the last one

that was when the crack started

a crack turn into a break

and a break turns into a gap

that gap slowly becomes a black hole

I fell into a black hole

when I found out that I was the last one

you never cared enough to drop the others

you never loved enough to make me the only one

you never wanted enough to come after me

I screamed but you never answered

I yelled but you pushed me away

I asked but you just turned your head

Help...

you could have just dropped the others

why...

you could never leave the past

You could hear...

but you never answered

and now I am lost

our love is lost

9.17.09

Drowning My Sorrows

It's so sick

that I'm an addict

for your love

like you're something to take me above

make me fly so high

and say good bye

to this crazy world

but then I just get hurled

to a new low

like you've got something to show

makes me leary

then my eyes get all teary

makes me want to disappear

and drown my sorrows in a beer

make that many

along with a Hennesy

why couldn't you feel the same way i do

love me and only me

like i do you

why do you need to look for more elsewhere

am i not good enough for you

you say i am

yet you still go looking for them at 2am

what the hell

what is it that I need to sell

my life, my soul

but that wouldn't be enough

not for you

it tears me up inside

it feels like you've lied

you tell me you're not out mingle

but then on your site you say you're single

it's a mystery

how you really feel for me

i call you my bestfriend

but what voice do you lend

when it comes to me

and how you'll be

you say you don't trust

but you're the one who's full of lust

I've worked on my trust

even tho you never were just

about your cheat

and think you have me beat

well you don't

and you won't

I still love you

you say you still love me

you offer small things to prove it

but sometimes there's just more to it

i'm losing myself inside of emotion

wishing for an ocean

to just swallow me whole

and take it all including my soul

7.7.09

What am I

6.2.09 We used to say forever

and now it's said never

the feeling of love was so wanting

and now it's just haunting

leaving me empty

like that glass of tea

wondering where it went

and where your loves been spent

i've been here thru it all

and you just put up a wall

something to keep me out

and leave me wondering what its all about

i give you my love

and that's nothing you want to speak of

you make me feel bad and cry

like it's my fault you're letting our love die

well it's not my fault

you need to start acting like an adult

take claim for your actions

and quit succumbing to your attractions

they weren't there for you in the bad times

they're only there for you sometimes

I've been there for everything

and now you just hold up your prize ring

what am I to you

just something you can screw

*sigh*Time to vent a little...Seems to me what I'm missing the most is that special addition to make a family of 3 (or 5?) It's like every where I turn someone is pregnant, having a baby or planning for one. And I'm to the point I'm not on the fence about wanting that bundle of life in my arms.

Maybe we can try again soon...

I would so love that.

Fallin

Fallin'

5.7.09

I've fallen in love with your smile

I've fallen for your hugs and warm embrace

Your laughter brings a smile to my face

I've fallen for the warmth in your voice

and the way you wrap your arms around me

makes me feel so good from the inside out

I've fallen in love with your voice

I've fallen for the way you feel

Your heart is bigger than you let on

and I love how you let it show

whether its cuddling during a movie

or holding me after a bad dream

I've fallen in love with you

I've fallen for everything you are

I love how you put your all into everything you do

and how you have such large dreams

Simply said...

I love you

Some stuff....

So I've realized some things (some old, some new)...

Love will only grow as much as you let it.

Everything definitely happens for a reason.

Some friends are really only around for a season.

Tempers should always be in check or stupid things happen.

It's best to keep some problems to yourself.

If you're going to make a relationship work, you gotta work. HARD

Even parents can be childish.

You can go against the odds and make it.

Love really can make everything worth while.

A hug from someone who cares about you more than anything can heal a lot of things.

Sometimes people really need to mind their own business.

Money sucks... hahaha

Your true friends will always have your back.

The rest can go take a lollilop and blow it.

Sometimes you just have to focus on the future and let everything work its way out.

So yeah... lots of thinking going on right now. He's out to prove he's not a bad guy to everyone. I'm out to show just because you have a heart and care doesn't mean you can be walked on.

Heartbroken

HEARTBROKEN

4.23.09

I ache

for my heart is broken in two

part for me

part for you

so many tears have been shed

so much pain and agony

and all the thinking in my head

I just wanted you to be my dream come true

and everything just be me and you

I wanted your heart, soul and mind

I wanted everything to be just right

if only I'd had insight

to your heart, soul and mind

maybe this day you would still be all mine

I feel as if I share you

not with your boys

but with others who can't possibly know you

not in the way that I do

I've seen your pain

I've seen your joy

I've been there when you felt as if you were destroyed

I'm here still going thru it all

with you

with me

hoping everything will be

ok, alright, just fine

hoping with time it will all be true

like it was in the beginning

I miss the passion

I miss the warmth

I miss the love

You say its there

but you don't show it

how am I supposed to know it

how am I supposed to feel

when it feels like I'm being drug under the wheel

torn apart

into shreds

my whole life is something I now dread

I look into everything

hoping I'll find a key

the answer to everything

but instead I just find myself wishing

wishing for that life we once led.

Tearz dat I cry

Chuckie Akenz

Tearz dat I cry

These memories lie in the tears that I cry and nobody is here all the love disappeared

Destroyed all my pride thinking back on the night where I wanted to die cuz I hated my life [[my life...]]

Turn around and walk away

I need some personal space

To get my mind straight and disappear without a trace

My life is just a waste of money and minutes

Like love is just a waste of my tears and my feelings

Nobody else is living my life except myself

I can choose to ignore the conditions of my health

Bad days become weak days and hard to really speak

Explain what's on my mind and everything all combined

Dammit I ain't lying

Dear god I feel like dying

Why is it every night that my eyes continue crying?

Alone here in the dark and writing these last words

My gift is not a blessing

My obsession is a curse

Thought it couldn't be worse

Feeling how much it hurts

My pride is ready to burst from putting myself first

Trying to help someone else before I can help myself

I wanted to end the pain that's real is how I felt

These memories lie in the tears that I cry and nobody is here all the love disappeared

Destroyed all my pride thinking back on the night where I wanted to die cuz I hated my life [[my life...]]

How many fuckin times does a young one have to try

Still struggling to live but still itchin to die

Sometimes I used to cry because I felt nobody cared

All the pain I used to have I felt no one could share

Sometimes I felt alone because no on was even there

My days of tears are done because there's no more tears to shed

All I see it in my head like how I'm gonna die

Leave my body lying cold my fam (or fans) n peeps will cry

And Bullets will always fly

your mommas will always try

to see the lil kid's G each ride up in the sky

And it's worth every minute when we stare into their eyes

And kids did daddy's tried it but to blind it with pride

So instead they gotta hide

Don't kno if the kid's alive trying to hold on the feeling

And we see that's just a lie

Because most men do it

Doesn't mean it makes it right

It takes two to make a life

One husband and his wife

These memories lie in the tears that I cry and nobody is here all the love disappeared

Destroyed all my pride thinking back on the night where I wanted to die cuz I hated my life [[my life...]]

There's lots of kids sleepin I'm still tossin n turning

Deep inside I'm still flossing this burn

And I cry like a b1tch one nobody's around

It's a pain I hide inside so I never make a sound

I'm a soldier from the very day I was born

And when it's over that's the quote for my tombstone

20 years gone by I feel like I'm chasin a lie

They tell me don't chase things unless ur willin to die

And at this point straight up I stopped givin a fuk

Too many scars in this mess

I feel like giving it up

I guess it's karma but fuk my karma don't work

I do good expecting good but instead I get hurt

I'm society's dirt, well fed in metro houses

Convicted a few times I can never be renounced

My life is a poem in a story u see

But all I really ask was to see me for me

And I kno that lost souls will pity it all

Even when u fall down u gotta learn how to crawl

My heart's harder the wall

Maybe that's why I can't show any feeling for this world

That's why they don't know

These memories lie in the tears that I cry and nobody is here all the love disappeared

Destroyed all my pride thinking back on the night where I wanted to die cuz I hated my life [[my life...]]

Again

I read my bible and pray to you Father

I want to draw near to you again

as I was when I was just a munchkin

I want my life to be simple again

when I would just pray to You

and let my problems be gone in Your time

when I wouldn't worry about the outcome of things

or about all of my so called belongings

I was freer then

not from the pain of everything

but from the pain of an adults brain

I didn't over analyze

I just knew and realized

that you were the source of my happiness

I want to draw near to You again

I want to feel Your holiness

to feel the weight lifted off of my shoulders

and Your presence around me again

to lift my voice and sing Your name

© 3.16.09

Hope

It's time for a change

to something fantastic

something totally bombastic

excuse my terminology

but it's just a phrase you see

to get me out of this morbid reality

it's a change I seek

for both you and me

to have fun again and be happy

do you feel the contortion of the mind begin

it can't seem to process something new

to be able to draw you out of the deep blue

but it has to start with the heart

you have to find a bright spot

from there you can depart

to find a simple bliss in life

like the beautiful wings of a butterfly

you start with that to bring a smile

for as we all know that can stretch a mile

it sounds corny I know

but as you dwell on the thought

your mouth turns into a bow

the grin is as contagious as a disease

on that spreads to you from me

this is where the change will begin

© 3.16.09

So Cold

I feel like ice

my body is frigid

my back's gone rigid

my toes are curled

I feel as if I've been hurled

into an oblivion

when did this begin

when will it end

these thoughts and emotions

they run like the wind

sometimes I laugh

sometimes I cry

but when the hurt & pain comes I wanna die

I don't know how to hide it

to you they have no meaning

its just some kind of annoyance

like the heat going out on a cold day

I just lay here and pray

that you would no longer stray

3.16.09 © 2009

Hurt

Hurt

I see you from a different view

Every time it's got something to do

with you needing more

what it is that you need more of

I don't know, I give you all of me, all of my love

what is it that I don't provide

Every time I see you on that site

it makes my heart hurt and my chest pull tight

It makes me wonder

Do I not do enough

When push comes to shove

I try to give you everything

maybe that's the problem

I give you to much so you go to them

so you can find something different

You make me want to pull away

You make the ends of my heart fray

but i love you too much to let go

what do I do with this pain I feel

I guess I just have to learn to deal

with the fact that I'll never be enough

I'll never be enough to satisfy you

I'll never do for you whatever it is that they must do

it hurts so intensely

but I guess you'll never understand

and you'll never stop even if it's what I demand

I hope you know you're hurting me

ever so intensely

it gives me self doubt when you do this

and you just brush it off and leave it amiss

to you its nothing big

but to me its crushing

even if there's no touching

it hurts

it hurts me so intensely

it hurts me from the inside out

it gives me nothing but self doubt

can't you see it's making me feel like dirt

can't you see the hurt

2.2.09

To You My Love

To You My Love

To you my love, I give my heart

To you my love, I give my soul

To you my love, I give my life

To you my love, I give my last breath

It is with an open love that I give these things to you

in hopes that you cherish them with the respect that is due

It is for you and only you that I give these parts of me

for you are the only one the my heart will forever more see

To you my love, I give my world

To you my love, I give my thoughts

To you my love, I give my hand

To you my love, I give all of me

I give all of this to you my love

so that you may see my intentions are above

all those who see to know you

I give all of me to you my love

so that you may know my love for you

and so that you may know what I intend for you

I only want to give the best to you my love

I only want what is best for you my love

I only want what you want for us

my only hope is that it is me you love

1.21.09

I try

I try

I try so hard to be perfect for you

I try so hard to be everything you want

I try so hard to be what need

I tried so hard, I forgot to try for me

I want so bad to be perfect for you

I want so bad to be everything you want

I want so bad to be what you need

I wanted so bad, I forgot want I wanted for me

I believed I was perfect for you

I believed I could be everything you wanted

I believed I could be what you wanted

I believed so much I lost my own reality

I loved so how much how we seemed perfect for each other

I loved so much I lost what I wanted

I loved so much I forgot about what I needed

I loved so much I ended up forgetting about me

I try to try

I try to want

I try to believe

I try to love

I try so hard not to need those things

I try to just love me

I try to forget about the hurt

I try to forget about the pain

I try to forget about the other one

I want someone to love me

I want someone to believe in me

I want someone to want me

I want someone to try for me

I try

1.19.09

Unconditionally

I loved you with an unconditional love

I had thought you were sent from above

to make up for the crazy life I'd had

I never thought it would feel this bad

I feel used

I feel abused

worst of all I feel an ache

that only you could make

how could you cheat like that

how could you break my heart

and make me feel like a door mat

then I think we can get thru this

Love can overcome if you love enough

but I'm starting to wonder if it can

can it deal with you on dating sites

can it deal with you still talking to her

can it deal with you talking to anyone

I don't think you're thru

you say you are

you say you've deleted it all

you say you never said you love her

but then all I do is wonder

is it true

you've lied before

you haven't done anything to get my trust back

you still talk to her

you didn't delete anything

you still hide things

how is it possible to love unconditionally

when everything is closed off

when everything is not out in the open

if something is unconditional

everything should be open

not guarded

not hid

I love you with an unconditional love

yet yours is conditional

you only share part of yourself with me

you only love certain parts of me

you use your love against me

will you open up

will you ever be honest

will you ever tell me the truth

will you ever love me unconditionally

I hope someday you will

1.13.09